


always thinking about useless things

by sandyk



Series: walk it back [4]
Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gun Violence, au from valentine's day s2, mention of racism from cops, reference to death from gun violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 12:52:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14136420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: Then one night Jonah was hanging around while Amy was closing and they were held up at gunpoint.





	always thinking about useless things

**Author's Note:**

> for gwyo: compassionate. not mine, no profit garnered. title from the national's walk it back.

Jonah didn't remember. It was a life philosophy to push it down, forget it ever happened. It had totally worked for him. There were definitely no adverse effects on his mental health from all that repression. 

He was in a good mood most of the time, he liked spending time with people. He was still a little freaked by losing everything he owned and still a little down that Amy had dumped him to fuck other people. Mostly, though, he was good, things were fine. 

Then one night he was hanging around while Amy was closing and they were held up at gunpoint. 

Jonah woke up in the hospital. He hurt all over, he was on painkillers and there had been a man with a gun. Two men with guns. 

He'd had blood in his hair. 

The doctor came in and explained everything. Jonah had been shot but it went right through him. It was sort of his collarbone but that was only cracked, and he'd have a scar, and need some physical therapy, but mostly he was going to be fine. "I don't remember," Jonah said. 

His mouth felt full. Like, if he said too much, opened his mouth too much, everything would spill out. Vomit out. 

"I don't remember." 

"Perfectly normal," the doctor said. 

He stared at the ceiling and tried to figure out how to turn on the TV. 

At some point, Amy came in. She was already crying. He said, "Hey, did somebody else get hurt? You're okay, right?"

"You're such a dumbass," Amy said. She wiped her face. 

"I don't remember anything. You were closing. I was helping. There were two white guys with guns. Did you tell the police they were white? This is St. Louis, If you didn't insist they were white and make it really clear --"

"Yes," Amy said. "You don't remember. Okay, the one guy was going to shoot me and you stepped in front of it and got shot and then the other guy got super mad at his partner for being a meth-head and crazy. I gave them all the money and tried to stop you bleeding everywhere. After I knew they were gone, I called 911. I told the cops the guys were white, I promise. I think they already caught them."

"Alive, I bet," Jonah said. He tried to move one of his arms but he was really heavy from the painkillers. He said, "I took a bullet for you. That was incredibly nice of me."

"That was amazing," Amy said. "I don't know why you'd do that."

"I probably thought, well, you have Emma. It's hard not having your mother," Jonah said. He pressed his lips together. He took a deep breath.

She was holding his hand on the non-shot side. He could feel that. 

He had to stay home for three weeks, recovering and getting back to moving all his body parts. He took a lot of prescribed drugs. He slept like a stone that didn't dream. Jonah ignored all the calls from his family. 

Jonah was finally back to his work. "So, we're going to keep you mostly on register," Amy said. She rubbed his arm. She was very touchy feely, he liked it. 

Dina said, "You can do that mostly one handed, right? It's like masturbating."

"Sure," Jonah said. "I'll be pretty slow."

"That's no different from normal," Mateo said. 

Jonah smiled. "I'm glad to be back."

He was a little slow, but he was still busy. People came by and said they were glad to see him, that was nice, too. Glenn came out and hugged him, crying. "I was so worried. We prayed for you. We prayed for you so much."

At his lunch break, he sat with Garrett, Dina, Amy and Mateo. "I hope you're okay," Mateo said. "You're not going to freak out because this is basically the first trauma you've ever had in your life, right?"

"That's so nice of you to say, Mateo," Garrett said.

"I'm fine," Jonah said, forcing out the words.

"You're already freaking me out," Dina said. "Why are you so quiet?"

"You do seem quiet," Amy said. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dina turned to Amy. "You're so emotional. Which I would be, too, frankly. I've only been shot at once and it was when my dad dropped me off at that skeet shooting place and little Dina just had to explore."

Jonah was playing with his food. He opened his mouth and said, "I've been shot at before."

"No, you have not," Mateo said.

"I don't remember it. But it happened. I was four," Jonah said. 

Amy said, "Someone tried to shoot you when you were four? You never told me that. You've never told me anything about yourself before you were 6. Or after, really. Like, lit club and drama club and your parents are divorced so I guess I should take that back."

"Jonah stops talking, Amy can't stop, everyone copes in their own way," Garrett said. 

"I don't believe you were shot at," Mateo said.

"You can google it," Jonah said. He needed to stop talking. This was the problem with opening your mouth, he thought. Everything wrong came out. He took out his phone and found the article. He pushed his phone over to Mateo.

"Unbelievable," Mateo said. "Wait, this says your mother was killed. You always talk about your mom in the present tense." He sounded accusatory. 

"Yeah, my mom's alive. My dad remarried. I was four. She actually adopted me. So she's my mom," Jonah said. "She adopted my brothers, too. My dad's first wife, she was killed in a car accident when Gideon and Mark were toddlers. My mother was number two, my mom is number three. And, no, my dad is not a male black widow."

Everyone was staring at him. He said, "I don't remember it. Any of it."

Amy said, "That's, oh."

"Well, that's pretty awful," Mateo said. "But you don't remember any of it."

"Nope," Jonah said.

"This is bringing me way down," Dina said. "I'm going somewhere else to eat."

"I'm going to join Dina," Garrett said. 

Mateo said, "Okay, gotta go."

Then it was just Jonah and Amy. She said, "You're really convinced you don't remember any of it."

"Because I don't," Jonah said. "I didn't mean to tell everyone but you know how Mateo is."

Amy was holding his hand. She said, "I can show you. The shooting. Dina made me watch the footage, she said, to help me deal with the trauma. If you wanted to see it."

"That seems like a horrible idea," Jonah said. 

"Good point," Amy said. 

"Maybe I should go home. I feel a little exhausted."

Amy said, "You really don't remember anything about your mother? I just, I can't imagine if I died when Emma was four and she didn't remember me at all."

"But you didn't," Jonah said. "Also, my mother is dead, she doesn't have feelings. She isn't watching over me. I don't believe in angels or ghosts. I know she loved me."

"Sorry," Amy said. "I'll tell Glenn. I'll drive you home."

When he got home, he finally decided to call his mom back. "I was thinking of you, today," he said.

"Jonah," his mom said. "There's no way you're okay. I'm coming out to visit."

"Oh, great," Jonah said. "Can't wait to see you. Do you want me to pick you up at the airport? I'm not the best driver right now."

If he was really thinking, he never wanted to leave his apartment again. That couldn't be a good thought. He felt really full, not like food, but like he was about to burst out of his skin. That wasn't great, either.


End file.
